My First Book Convention

Last weekend I attended the SpicyReads Book Convention as a signing author. It was an incredible weekend full of excitement, learning, and friendship! Attending my first ever big book convention was humbling and educational. It took me a few days after I got home to be able to process it all.

First, I “knew” what to expect. I’ve seen the posts and videos of book cons. I've heard about the different kinds of drama that have occurred at these events.  I prepared myself. But seeing it and experiencing it are 2 very different things. I thought I had prepared, but I guess my mind was focused on the "crazy", outlandish things that could happen I forgot about other things–– like no one stopping my my table. 

I’m glad I began doing small book fairs to prepare me to chat with readers since I'm an introvert. These past experiences gave me the practice of chatting with people. Going in I was focused on the number of tickets sold, and the nerves building thinking of speaking to everyone. Ignorance or ego, not sure which, made me blind to the very real possibility that only very few would stop by. 

The biggest difference between the convention and local book fairs… visibility. Being a “no name” author in a sea of amazing, well established, fan based authors is intimidating. Witnessing lines at tables of authors, them speaking with and taking pictures with readers spikes the self-doubt and imposter syndrome. I plastered a smile on my face while inside I was wondering if I belonged.

My sister and friend were with me and I didn't want to show I was internally struggling. The desperation for someone to stop by, to possibly purchase was strong and I could not show it. First, I didn't want to take away from others success. They have done an amazing job finding and catering to their ideal reader, they should bask in the attention. Next, I knew if I vocalized my doubts I would spiral. I couldn't fall down the black hole of doom, not in the middle of the event, because I may not have made it out.

So I did the only thing I could, I "faked it, until I could make it". When they asked me if I was okay, or if it was normal that my table didn't get many visitors, or that I hadn't sold any books, I answered brightly, "Of course. I'm new to this and it's all about the experience" or "Yup, I'm trying to get my name out and visible."

After the event ended, we spent a couple additional days in San Diego to take advantage of the time we were already away and the plane tickets already purchased. We laughed, shopped, ate, drank, and got pampered with massages and spa time (sauna, steam room, and jacuzzi). My mind calmed and the self doubts were pushed far back.

It wasn't until I got home that I finally began thinking about the weekend, event, and the emotions. I'm grateful I had those few days between so that I had some space and perspective. Looking back, I was correct in my statements about experience and bringing visibility. These are the the reasons I'm putting myself out there, being vulnerable. I was able to visualize everyone around me and I wasn't the only "lonely" author. I probably wasn't the only one feeling this way.

At the smaller book fairs I have done, I am among many other smaller authors. People stop by often at the fairs and chat. Many who stop also purchase a book or take my info (qr) card. I figure readers are probably attending these book fairs to find new to them authors. Hidden gems. When I've attended, that's what I'm doing. The conventions are places you attend to meet your faves and then maybe find gems.

Just another reminder... IT'S ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE! I'm glad I found it without much pain.

I want to THANK the readers who did stop by my table at SpicyReads. They really made my day. A refreshing breath. These amazing ladies and few gentlemen eased my anxiety about “not belonging”. I also enjoyed the conversations about books in general. I found out I am not the only reader that needs a "palate cleanser" after too many romances. LOL. Others also use thriller/horror to "cleanse" between the overload of love.